If you're like me - and I know I am - then you've heard the rap that
science gets. It's cold, heartless, and uninteresting. Well,
boys and girls, I'm here to tell you that that's just a big pile of overly
dogmatic bullshit.
Science - and this is a well-kept secret that I'm letting you in on
here - is fun.
You see, the soul of science is empiricism; empiricism is just a fancy word for finding things out for yourself, using your own senses to perform experiments on the world. That's right: if you're an empiricist, you get to mess with things, just to try to figure them out It's societally sanctioned.
So let me give you an example.
Let's say you see this really cute woman. But it occurs to you that she might not actually be a woman.
She might, in fact, be a chicken.
Go up to your subject and ask. If you're lucky, she'll answer. But don't take anyone's word for it - that's not what empiricism is about.
No, empiricism is about finding stuff out using your own senses. Just hearing someone say "I'm not a chicken" isn't sufficient for the truly intrepid empiricist.
Now, consider what you know about chickens.
Now, how are you going to find out if s/he has lips? Well, if you're an empiricist, you'll have to test this directly with your own senses. If she looks like she has lips, that's a good sign. But they might be faked. Thousands of chickens have discovered the techinque of wearing fake lips - they learned it from Robin in that last Batman movie. So sight isn't gonna be enough.
No, you'll need the kind of scientific information that only your tactile sense can give you. To truly be certain that she's not a chicken, you'll have to kiss her.
See? Empiricism makes you kiss people. Especially
cute people, when they might be chickens.
Now, science is also about replication. So kiss her again.
To be truly certain, you should supplement your evidence with information
from another experimental paradigm. This is the point where you say
"well, you seem to have lips, which is consistent with the theory that
you aren't a chicken. Why don't we go check for feathers, just for
replication's sake?"
If you're feeling efficient, you can check for wings at the same time. But that won't get you as much grant money.
Happy experimenting!
Next time: Ariel Delves the Mysteries of the Shake Machine